Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
last night I used snow as a chaser
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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