Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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