I just pynch a tree in the face
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Randomize
