I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
