I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
