She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
