If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
