my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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