She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
