So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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