You work out of a Hotel?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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