I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
