Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize