Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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