With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize