So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
