I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
