The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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