you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
