I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
