i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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