The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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