My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
