And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
