Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You may now shotgun with the bride
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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