How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize