the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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