Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize