Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
