Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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