new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
