I smell stomach acid.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
