You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
