he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
