They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
