I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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