You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
