What a fucking waste of an outfit
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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