I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize