You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
