Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
two words...techno handjob
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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