that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dick very happy bro
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
