I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
