and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
