the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i wish my penis had a tongue
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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