my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
