i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
