You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
