You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
