He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
