its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
