5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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