having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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