Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
