so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My feet surprised me
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
