then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
