the new term for farting is butt boxing.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
