I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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