I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
