We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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