He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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