The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
