put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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