where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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