highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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