It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
