Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
